Hands and house

Hands and house

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

"Babies scared Mama..."

     The other day while sitting in her carseat at a gas station, Georgia was looking at the board book version of "I Love You Like Crazy Cakes." For those that don't know the book, it is a beautiful children's book written about an adoption in China. She had it open to a page that shows a drawing of a baby room in an orhpanage in China. The picture is of multiple cribs each with 2 babies in them and a couple of nannies taking care of the babies.

She was adamantly saying, "Mama, Mama, Mama!!!" to get my attention. When I went over she pointed to the picture. So I explained that these were babies in China waiting for their Mamas and Daddies. She then pointed to the nannies and looked up at me with big questioning eyes. I told her they were nannies who loved and took care of the babies. I gave her a big hug and told her that she was home now with Mama and Daddy and that we loved her so much. She seemed satisfied and I went back to finishing up at the gas pump.

When I was done, I went to close her door. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and she was shaking. She said, "Babies scared Mama...scared". I held her tight not knowing exactly what to say, praying that God would speak to her heart.
The next thing she said..."Jesus, Mama pray Jesus" So I held my little girl who not so long ago was one that was waiting and we prayed.
Oh how these places leave me aching to protect her, wishing that her beginning could have been different. I don't honestly know what to do with the things that she said. For the last few nights I have found myself pondering and praying as I try to sleep. I hate the idea of her being so tiny, alone and afraid but I also do not want to dismiss that time and all it held. I wish that I could see and know all that was her world. I wish that I could help put words to the things that she remembers. I wish that I could have been her Mama from the very beginning, to shelter her and protect her from being scared or alone. But I could not and the facts do not change so I look to the One who was there and who did look after her, and I pray that the Lord will meet both of us with His compassion in these dark confusing places.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."
2 Corinthians 1:3-4


SarahTien said...

Another tear jerker Shannon. You put into words so well, my biggest fear about adopting....that I won't be able to "handle" all those broken places that happened before I could get to them. Thank you for always reflecting back to our God, and His compassion, His promises, His LOVE!!

Goodness and Mercy Mom said...

Oh, that just breaks my heart. (And makes me want to hurry up getting our homestudy done for our next adoption!) Praise God Georgia no longer feels fear and loneliness and knows she is loved and cherished.

Much Love,

Carla said...

I think it is so incredible that she is able to express in words some of what she is feeling. That in itself is so healing for her! And I love that book, Charlotte would read it every night if I let her. It brings on such good conversation. I keep trying to prepare myself for when she asks about her China Mommy. I know it's coming, and I pray I have the right words to share.

Tara Anderson said...

This just makes me want to hug babies...all of them!!!

Rachel said...

I don't even know what to say... only that it hurts my heart that she remembers anything fearful.

All it brought to mind was 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God."

You realize that you've instilled in her a clinging to Jesus? Because her response to the memory was for you to PRAY. She knows. She knows that the comfort comes from Him. And I can only imagine that God will use her in such mighty ways to bring His comfort to others who are hurting.

What a precious tenderhearted girl you have, and I'm so glad she's safe in His arms and yours.

The Brown Family said...

There is something about that picture in the storybook that brings up memories for our kids. I have had a similar moment with one of my daughters after she studied that picture.

I'm grateful that we have some tools to help our kids express their feelings and get the conversations rolling on their time frame. It is so important to talk about. It's beautiful that Georgia trusts you with her tender heart.


Renee said...

You are doing all you can, and God will do the rest...To hear your sweet one express fear and ask for you to pray to Jesus....she already at such a young age knows who to turn to when she is afraid...when she is sad.....She knows that she can turn to mommy and daddy and to Jesus! Your prayers for healing for her are being heard and answered. Praise God!

Ginny said...

OK I am buying the book.

I am amazed that Georgia is able to recall her experience that well and then communicate that to you. That is an amazing girl you have there. :)

Kristina said...

Oh, sweet Georgia, I just want to scoop you up and kiss you and tell you how much your mama and daddy love you! Shannon, I'm so glad that your beautiful daughters have you to turn to in those broken, frightened moments, and that you have taught them love, and how to manage fear. I got goosebumps and tears as I read this post - but I also know that your daughters are able to be secure, because of the love you surround them in daily, and because of the grace with which you answer their questions. You are a fabulous parent. :-)

Alyson and Ford said...

So wonderfully put; we still tear up when our little AA reads her "China" books and asks about the babies and Nannies. She will have many more questions..... It is something we can't change in her past. Lots of talking and love; just what you did.

Alyzabeth's Mommy

KHM said...

Ah yea - they remember more than we think for longer than we think. I have had similar conversations with our JJ. It is hard, but remember they WERE scare. Not ARE scared - were. Now they are safe.

So I remind myself when I look at her referral and update pics. I didn't know her before, but now I do and I see - she was or had been crying in almost every one of those pictures.



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