Hands and house

Hands and house

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Hot Tears...

 For some reason all I can do is cry tonight. We do not have any news to report, I guess it is more the fact that we still do not have any that has just weighed so heavy on my heart today. I waited and waited all day to hear from the cardiologist, she said that she would call but then this evening emailed to explain that she is the one who is 'on duty' to take care of the inpatient kids today. I totally get that the inpatient kids are WAY more important than what is going on with Georgia and that is where her focus needs to be. I think I just hit a wall today. The waiting feels to hard, the worrying too heavy, the panic every time Georgia is quiet in the next room while playing, the worry when I go to wake her up. it all feels so big on my shoulders today. Add to that the fact that Doug is working almost around the clock up in Seattle so we only really get to talk when he steps out for a quick potty break...and I just don't feel strong enough at all.
     I am leaning hard on this promise:

“…that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your heart enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you…”
Ephesians 1:17-18

Trusting that somehow through this I will know the hope that He calls me to. I have seen glimmers of it, started to try to look up every verse on "tomorrow", "Eternity" and "Heaven" but tonight I am just too weary.

The thing that has kept me going and laughing in the midst of the tears today is Miss Georgia...

Who is smart as a whip and when she sees me worried she tries to make the "worry wrinkles" that she sees on my face, like this

Tonight, I was looking through our cds to try and find something that might help and I came across one that I had not heard in forever. There used to be a local Seattle band called Late Tuesday. They were an amazing group of incredibly talented women. They would come down to the shelter where I worked and do free concerts. I used to play one of their songs each week at the end of a class that I had the honor of facilitating for some of the women who had suffered abuse. The song is called 'Home' and I wish I could find a way to play the actual song here, it is so very gentle and beautiful. It is a song of the Lord speaking to all of us children that He loves so dearly. I have had it on repeat ever since finding it again. For a long time this afternoon, Georgia curled up in my lap and I sang it to her over and over again.

The lyrics are:

Little one, why are you crying?

Let me take you in my arms and hold you for a while

Baby, I give my hand for you to hold

Be sure of my embrace, I’ll never let you go

Forever, with all my heart

Child of mine, I’ll sing you a sweet lullaby

There is sanctuary here, sleep gently in my arms

Darling, come to my shelter

Hide your face in me, find care in my embrace

So, again, we look to tomorrow and hope for news but make sure that our feet are firmly planted where True Hope comes from.


TanyaLea said...

Oh Shannon, I am crying with you. I can't seem to stop thinking of you and the heartache you are facing yet again. It brings back so many memories.

But those memories also remind me of the MIRACLE she is today, and how God seen you through that storm. I believe He will lead you through this one, too.

I remember learning so much from your journey that helped me on my own, when it came time for our travels. I will always have that visual in my head of when you first had Georgia Mei alone in that hotel room, cradling her in your arms, looking into her grieving eyes, and allowing her to grieve and cry for hours, as your tears fell with her's. I learned so much from you that helped me through. That 'visual' is forever etched in my memory.

And here you are again, holding your sweet girl in your arms with so much uncertainty of what the future holds...only this time, she is trying to comfort you. What a precious, precious girl. She is a treasure for sure!

Praying for answers to come soon. It is always the hardest waiting out the storm...especially when you're not sure of the outcome. But HE is in control, and I truly believe there will be another miracle when it calms. Another piece of Georgia's "testimony" puzzle. I believe He has great things in store for her life, for hope and a future.

In the meantime, we will all be lifting you up before our Heavenly Father, coming before the Throne of Grace and asking Him to wrap His loving arms around you during this difficult and seemingly lonely time.

I wish I could hear the song, too. Thank you for sharing the lyrics... they are beautiful.

Sending BIG hugs your way...

Love you!

Cedar said...

Shannon, so sad for your situation. I am out of comforting words, so I went to Psalm 31:

"21 Praise be to the LORD, for he showed his wonderful love to me
when I was in a besieged city.

22 In my alarm I said, "I am cut off from your sight!" Yet you heard my cry for mercy when I called to you for help.

23 Love the LORD, all his saints!
The LORD preserves the faithful,
but the proud he pays back in full.

24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD." (Ps 31.23-24)

We will be praying for you, Georgia, and family.

Elizabeth Mills said...

Praying for you. I had some hot tears all last night and this morning for our own trials we're walking through.

I understand the strain that not having your supporter husband with you can make you feel. You and I know that in these times we must lean even heavier on our Lord... and anticipate our earthly hubbies to return to us when they can.

You're facing an enormous trial and God will carry you through it. In our weakness He is strong.

Love to you and your family,

Love for Lilly Yin said...

In times where I am discouraged, I always listen to the song, The Voice of Truth. It really helps.

I am hoping and praying that soon you get some good news.


Sharon Ankerich said...

I am so praying too! Hold fast to scripture and fill your day with beautiful music and love on your girl. Praying the dr calls today. Do you have Streams in Desert??? It helped me through a very terrible time in my life and maybe it would bless you as well!
Praying and loving you today!!!

Renee said...

Shannon....I am so sorry you continue to have to wait for the doctor to call you...the waiting when it is your child's life at risk is so difficult. You are weary, and that is totally understandable...It came to me to pray Ps. 91 over Georgia and your family today, so I will do that. Keep leaning on God's strength, let HIS courage and peace fill you, embrace HIS all encompassing love for your sweet Georgia and your family.
Wrapping you in prayer..

Tara Anderson said...

It feels good to snuggle up to our heavenly Daddy and just cry. In retrospect, I'm always thankful for the moments when I want nothing more for Him to hold me tightly in His embrace and just feel cherished. I'm praying for you my sweet friend!!!

Tami and Bobby Sisemore Family said...

YOU are such an encouragement to me! Wow! You are an amazing woman of God who knows where to draw for her strength! I am honored to know you!


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