Still Waiting...

   The Cardiologist is supposed to contact me "soon." I just found out that she has been out of town all last week. She emailed and said she had not seen any of Georgia's recordings yet but had requested them...so maybe tomorrow we will know a little bit more even though we are supposed to record all month long.
     God gave me a gift in this little guy though....

Who told me that his 'toots' are a "Bottom popping force shield that protects the Universe!!!"

and this gal kept distracting me with her goofy antics...like drinking my whole cup of coffee (decaf thankfully) while I wasn't looking!

and my sweet big girl picked out supplies for what is shaping up to be a stunning family tree. the whole time she kept saying, "Mama, this is just the best day ever!"

I am learning and wrestling with the fact that these children are a gift

and that not even tomorrow is promised for us

that eternity is unfathomably longer than our life here on earth, and yet I cling to the here, the now, the tangible, huggable part of Georgia's life...and my own.

Am I living it with my eyes on eternity?

I am so blinded by now and my desire for more of now with my kids,

it is easy to also be blinded by the grief that swells at the 'what-ifs' that are in our life now,

but in many ways we all live with those same "what-ifs" everyday, we just don't fully see them...

and somehow, in the wrestling, God's message continues to stream in like a ray of light in the darkest room

He is here, right with me, carrying me and holding me in this darkest of places, reminding me

in the craziest of ways...

Like on Sunday when I went to put my laptop in it's bag as the Kids and I were about to say goodbye to Doug for another week. I kept trying to shove it in but it would not budge. I looked to see what it was stuck on and it was this:

I made this for our rtip to China to go and get Georgia...somehow, it was in this bag, right then, refusing to let my laptop slide in!

Or the note from a dear friend from college who said she does not normally go to church. She went to church to support her boyfriend and had Georgia on her mind. What did they sing? Mighty to Save!

So, I cling, with my fingernails to the promise...

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned;

the flames will not set you ablaze.

 

Isaiah 43:2

Thank you again for praying for us and for Georgia, she seems more tired, to be having more 'spells' and to be a bit more 'blue' than normal to me. We really need answers!