Some beautiful and deep things have been swirling aorund over the last few weeks and I want to write them down so that I do not miss them as the days fly by. Adopting a toddler has been astounding and as Georgia's vocabulary catches up with her I feel like we are getting glimpses of her time in China that break through for brief periods like the parting of the NW clouds.
A few weeks ago on the playground while the windy tossed about the amber leaves, Georgia began to chatter away. At first I did not understand what she was saying. She was tugging at my hand and getting increasingly louder and louder as she does when she fears she is not being understood. She tugged my hand again and said, "Mama, big room, lots of babies..." then she paused and looked at me solemly as if to make sure I was following along, "Oh no! Oh no! Bugs coming...I cry" while acting like rubbing her eyes "...Mama I cry, no help Mama. Bugs coming, no help." I did not want to assume anything, but I'm preety sure that she is talking about the orphanage. When she first came home she was terrified of bugs or being anywhere near them. She had bites on her legs the day we met her. As she stood on that playrgound looking up at me with deseperate eyes, I prayed and held her close. I told her how sorry I was that bugs came and that she had no help. I promised her one of her favorite promises, "Georgia and Mama stick together like glue and paper. I love you and will take care of you always." But boy does my heart feel sore at the picture of my baby girl crying terrified cries with no one to help her.
You think they are a little excited about candy???
Right now she plays the same scenario' over and over with her toys. At home, she uses a stuffed elephant and a doll, at school a tiny lion and a big one. There is a 'baby' and a 'Mama'. The baby cries and cries and the Mama comes over and lays literally ontop of the baby, she rubs her face on the baby and says in a high almost falsetto voice, "Oh baby I love you, it's ok, it's ok...I'm here, I love you, I promise." Over and over this dialogue goes, again and again. Laying on the floor at preschool, under my feet in the kitchen the Mama tells the baby that she is ok and loved. Over and over again I pray that it sticks.
That my crazy bunch! Check out Parker's air...
Oh and then...my sweet baby girl, sunshine on her face and wind in her hair whistfully looking up at me as we played outside....she tells me this. "Mama, big room, lots of babies...Mama they cry and cry..." and she throws up her arms to the sky, puffs out her chest and as loud as she can in her little voice says, "Mama I siinnnggg. Babies cry and I sssiiiiinnnngggg...help babies feel better." I didn't have words. Really I still don't. She was kept in the baby room even though she was a toddler because of her heart. We were told by the orphange that she spent almost all of her timeof her time in her crib because any other activity made her start to turn blue...and what did my little girl do?
These tiny glimpes brings both heartbreak and beauty. they keep rolling around like marbles in my heart and mind. I do not totally know what to do with them but I know that they are a gift beyond measure.
"I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten..."