I Want to be His arms…..
The amazing girl we get to sponsor...
It is the night of our first day back here at the orphanage and my mind is so full of so many things. Part of me wants to write first of what we have done today, of the insane crazy chaos of taking care of 9 boys, of how this place, red mud and all feels far more like home than our house in Hood River…but there is something that is far more pressing.
Then….after the concert we had to wrangle the 9 unruly boys back into their home. These boys were tough, some hard as rocks and beyond ticked off that we made them leave their playing to go to a Christmas concert where they had to stay still and be quiet! After losing a few of them (yes, they ran away but I did chase them back! ), it was time for us to go for the night. I went one by one to the boys and said, “Buenos Noches”. What I got back was tough shoulders and little eye contact but then the last guy in the line who had watched me making my rounds, flung his arms out and wrapped them around me, nestling tight for a good night hug….and it happened again, these tough boys who had me wanting to say a few choice words and really doubting…they began to melt. I walked back through them and said, “Buenos Noches” one more time…this time making sure to touch them on the shoulder or give them a second to respond…those tough shoulders? Melted. Those rough boys snuggled ever so slightly in and paused as if to breath in that space for just a second….and all of a sudden I would do it all again, I would rough house and yet break up the fights, I would laugh and chase and bring them back over and over again if it meant that they could have even that split second of a tiny glimpse of a mother’s love…
…and so tonight I ache. I do not know what it all means. All I know is that all I desire right now is to be His arms. God’s arms and to wrap myself and my heart around these kids and to pour into every single one that God brings across my path until I leave here completely spent, utterly broken and never the same. Oh how they are hurting, oh how they desire love, oh how can our world be so blind to them? They are beyond beautiful, each face a beaming portrait of Christ. Oh, there is no where else I would want to be right now than right here pouring in right in front of me in any way that I can. This is what is real and true and beautiful and vivid and good. It makes every doubt, every fear, every discomfort fall away. This is true life, the Gospel fully alive.
But you know all about it—
the contempt, the abuse.
I dare to believe that the luckless
will get lucky someday in you.
You won't let them down:
orphans won't be orphans forever.