It has been one of those days. One where I wanted to be strong and hopeful and instead found myself weak and begging, pleading to make things go my way, for one little piece of concrete information about Georgia, stamping my feet like a little child who is done waiting for what has been promised....
And guess what? I did not get any word from China, no new pictures of our sweet child, nothing tangible. What I did get is this reminder: What has been promised is already here. I was not promised that this journey would be easy or even one that I could walk, I was promised that it was started by God Himself and that He would lead to each next step in His time. I was not promised protection from heartbreak but the presence and strength of the One who would help me through.
I came across three scriptures in the last few days that have really hit home for me. Here is the first:
“For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen
those whose hearts are fully committed to him”.
2 Chronicles 16:9 (NIV)
Isn't that an amazing picture? The eyes of the Creator of everything range the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him. He desires to strengthen me...right now, as I turn my eyes towards Him.
The next verse is
" We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed;
we are perplexed, but not in despair;
persecuted, but not forsaken;
struck down, but not destroyed."
2 Corinthians 4:8 to 9
I get weary and stubborn in this wait but when I really do a gut check I realize that I am not crushed, not in despair, not destroyed and definitely not forsaken. If anything, I feel like I am being taught and reminded, over and over again where my strength lies....and let me tell you it is not in my knarled hands! The last scripture is this:
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest."
The more this wait goes on and the unknowns scream in my ears, the more that I desire to throw myself in the arms of the One who promises true rest. I still do not do it often enough or with the abandon that I picture I should but each time I do I realize more about the grace of the One who will not crush me.
This is one of my favorite quotes:
"May all your expectations be frustrated,May all your plans be thwarted.
May all your desires be withered into nothingness,
That you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child
And sing and dance in the love of God the Father, the Son and the Spirit.
—Blessing given to Henri Nouwen by his mentor.