Well, one of my all time favorite Scriptures in Hebrews 4:14-16 (hang with me, this is going to come together):
"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the
heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.
For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our
weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as
we are - but was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with
confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
The reason that this is one of my favorite Scriptures is because of the description one of my professors gave. He said that it means that since we know that Jesus was tempted by everything, felt all that we felt, and died for our sins....we do not have to enter His throne room timidly. He said that we can fling open the doors, run and jump into the lap of our Daddy King. It is in the shelter of that loving throne that we find mercy, grace and the strength to go on. I love that picture dearly.
Now back to that electric ball (which has some technical name like the Vanderhmphbaugh ball or something Doug told me). For some reason lately I have pictured my life like that ball. There are so many things zapping about, really feeling like there is no way to control them...so many unknowns that we just cannot control and really are not supposed to: Georgia's heart, the trip to China where we could be quarantined because of swine flu, leaving Doug & the kids behind and how the heck am I going to make it even one day without them, how to prepare for Georgia's open heart surgery, living in a trailer on Children's campus, helping our other kids through this stuff...all these things swirl around daily in my head flickering like those electric currents.
The other day I ran into someone who I had not seen since right after we got the update in May that said Georgia was turning blue and having rapid breath. I came up to her with a big smile on my face because she is someone I truly am happy to see, and she asked, "How are you?" to which I respond, "really great!(and I meant it)" and her follow up questions was, "How is Georgia, is she better?"...and it caught me by surprise. I found myself tongue-tied because, no, she is not any better and we have not heard anymore, but truly at that moment I also was "really great."
That was a week ago and it has set me to thinking, how is it possible to be really great and to deeply struggle that my child is halfway around the world struggling. And the picture God gave me was that crazy electric ball. You see, when I stay tucked in, next to God in the shelter of His throne I feel truly "really great" but when I inch myself out a bit I go all haywire in those currents that zap around.
I was telling all of this to Doug the other night (Lord bless him for listening when I make so little sense) and he told me that on the Vanderwhozeewhatsit ball it really works that way, the closer you get to the center, to that steel ball, the calmer it is until it is absolutely still right up next to it...but on the outside, your hair stands on end.
And this is the other Scripture that keeps popping into my head. Psalm 61:
"Here my cry, O God,
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
A strong tower against the foe.
I long to dwell in Your tent forever,
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings."