Today after her nap, Georgia and I snuggled up in Doug & I's bed. Her brown eyes peeped mischeviously at me as she "tucked" me in making sure her pink blankie covered us both tightly then laying her head next to mine her big eyes full of love. Tucking has become an art form for our little girl. For months now she has insisted on being fully tucked and snugged tight before sleep, then I must tuck her baby doll. At that point she squeezes her eyes tight and nods her head as if to say' "now you pray Mama" and when I am through she has one word..."again" and "again" and "again". We pray for her, and then she points to baby and when we are through with that she shakes her little head and squeezes her eyes once again, so we pray some more. Today as she snuggled me up once again, I quietly prayed as my heart welled up in thankfulness for my daughter and her eyes brimming with love.
You see, we now have a picture of our little girl sitting surrounded by the steel bars of her crib, plywood under her, no mattress, no sheets or pillows save what we were able to send in a care package a few weeks before we went to get her. The picture came with a cd of other shots of her life before us. That bed was her home for 2 years, plywood and steel...nothing to snuggle her, help her feel safe or tuck her in. Because of her heart, that was where she spent most hours of the day. The walls around her and in every picture are aniseptic white...nothing to look at or dream about only steel, plywood and white tile. I am speechless at the honor to be her mama, to be the one to watch her as she sleeps in a crib packed with blankets and dolls, mementos of love from those in her life, or as she sleeps between Doug and I always touching each of us somehow. She is SO full of life and health and love, her eyes and body dance with it constantly. We get to be firsthand witnesses to this miracle.
I found myself wondering what has brought about this change in our Georgia Mei? Yes, her heart has been repaired and her body is healing, but I think there is something even more powerful...she is delighted in...deeply. I think that has made all of the difference. She is learning that she is worthy of being snuggled, of being hugged (as she shows by running up with her arms wide open, grin from ear to ear) and worthy of allowing herself to be fully loved.
Watching Georgia this past 5 months has truly been the biggest miracle in my life. I have found myself longing and praying that I would know how deeply I am delighted in. In the depths of my soul that I would know that I was worthy of being fully loved by the One who matters most... What miracles would God have in store?
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and teh door will be opened unto you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."