So I met God at the beach again today :) Just before sundown I headed out for a walk in the pouring rain. It has been such a sweet day...Ravenna has felt a little bit better and has not had one nosebleed all day (thank you for praying)!!!! She was cuddly and funny and goofy again and it was just so good to see. Just before heading out on the walk I made myself a to do list for the week. On that list:
Monday : Call to schedule Georgia's sedated MRI
Monday: Call the Hemophilica Clinic to schedule further testing for Ravenna (she does not have Hemophilia but something similar called Von Willebrand Disease that will probably need to have ongoing treatment there)....
After my wave dancing yesterday I have been able to keep my eyes and heart more on the Lord and how He is going to carry us through. I was able to just sit and be with the kids as we played in the tidepools, searched some old army bunkers and just played & climbed around. After making that list some fear had crept back into my heart. Not fear of the unknown as much as deep grief of what my sweet girls will be going through. I know in the grand scheme of things, these tests are not that big of a deal. But to hold Georgia as she is sedated...to comfort Ravenna as she is poked...to walk sterile hallways one more time, boy it can feel overwhelming...and I just want to protect my babies who have already walked through so much.
So there I went, me and the storm, rain running down my face, waves crashing in my ears with my heart just begging, "Lord, I need to see you again." I felt so selfish because just yesterday He had met me so powerfully but here I was again just really wanting something tangible to help carry me through these appointments. So I asked, "Lord please, I need something that I can touch that I can carry in my pocket to these appointments. I just want to remember that You are there."
I searched the beach thinking maybe I would find a stunning seashell or something...then I started to feel silly. Who was I to ask that of God? But He does say to ask, He says He wants to know our hearts so as I walked up the beach I wrestled. As I neared the end of the beach I decided that maybe I was supposed to go and find something to remind myself of His goodness. So I turned and headed into the little town thinking I could find something little to bring in my pocket as a reminder...only to find all of the shops closed!
So back to the beach I went, this time feeling frustrated. I stomped my boots and muttered out loud (yes, anothe crazy lady sighting for those around me!) telling Satan that he just isn't going to win, that he can just bugger off because God wins. He. Wins. Every. Time. Say out loud that I was not going to give in no matter what. Then praying for God to fill my heart again and guide me.
As I began to walk some more...a bright purple piece of glass caught my eye. It was sticking out of the sand...and I heard, "My love outshines the sun"
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
For my whole 30 minute walk, wherever I stepped I would see little bright bits of glass shining out of the sand....even up the little ramp to our hotel! As I type this I have a pocket full of beautifully bright shiny reminders that God truly is with me....and His love does outshine the sun.