God is so good...
(the rock from two posts ago)
Tuesday wound up being a far more epic than we first expected...
but hey, it wouldn't be a Miller adventure if it wasn't :)
The day started bright and early...
we had to be there at 6am so that meant leaving our house at 4:30
We bundeled Georgia into the car surrounded by all of her requested blankies and stuffed animals.
I thought she might go back to sleep but instead...
she chattered at me the WHOLE time about the moon and the stars and how the earth spins,
and how God made it all.
She never ceases to amaze me.
The day before surgery I talked her through what the doctors were going to do.
She looked at my with her big brown eyes and said,
"Oh yeah Mama...I know ALL about THAT"
like it was no big deal.
We got checked in and as she was getting things set up the nurse asked,
"So can you tell me what they are planning to do today?"
To which I answered,
"They are placing an ASD device to fix a PFO and also will take another look at her pulmonary valve and possible ballon it."
The nurse looked at her chart and looked up at me, a little unsure and said,
"Well, there is a whole lot more than that listed here. They have a lot of other things listed including an ablation which makes all of this a lot more serious....they have also added a second Cardiologist to the surgery...but I'm sure they will be in to talk to you about it soon."
Which is when I began to panic.
So many questions swirled in my mind...
What had happened?
Had they found something on her heart monitoring?
Was something wrong?
What is an ablation?
What else could be on that 'list'?
How from this little basement room can I get people praying?
Thank fully they have this awesome computer system where Georgia could happily watch movies while her Mama pulled it all together and prayed against fear!
Then I remembered that we brought Parker's comptuer device that he uses for his eyes and that I could still access email!
I emailed everyone I could think of!
Then got back to the tassk at hand...
soaking up time with my little girl.
Who walked through everything with such blind, joyful trust...
She had no doubt that God held her heart and was in total control!
...and decided a silly face photo shoot was way more fun than worry...
I have a TON of photos, she just wanted more and more!
Remember these guys from last time??? She sure did!
More than anything...she just kept assking me to take pictures of her giangantic grin....
Like this was the most exciting day ever.
It was like she just couldn't possibly smile big enough for how excited she was to feel better.
Finally after about an hour the Cardiologist that had been added to her case came in.
He explained that what they were going to do was physioelectric mapping of her heart.
They were wanting to see if she was having internal arrythmias because she talks so much about feeling like her heart is going too fast and too slow.
If they were going to do it, this was their only chance to access the left ventricle via catheter before they closed the PFO.
Then he listed a whole long bunch of stuff he was going to do...
She would have three catheters placed in her heart at once, one from the neck and one from each side of the groin...then they would start doing things like:
pumping her heart full of adrenaline to try to induce tachycardia,
and slowing it down and doing a whole lot more very technical 'stuff' to try to throw her heart rhythms off...for about 2 hours.
I know that may not sound like major stuff,
but oh as a Mama to know that they are doing such crazy stuff right into the middle of my baby girl's heart...was so.darned. scary.
Then after that her regular Cardiologist (who we love) would come in and start work on placing the asd device.
Thus a fairly standard 2 hour surgery quickly doubled to 4.
There is just nothing easy for me about handing my baby girl over so that her heart, the very thing that keeps her alive can be poked, prodded, filled with all kinds of chemicals and then physically altered with a 'device' that will be in there permanently.
and oh how hard is that time of having to be awake and functioning, trying to have conversation when my whole mind keeps screaming,
"they are putting things in her heart!"
I'm not sure it will ever get easier.
Yet...somehow through it I heard the echo of my Father crying out when I allow people's actions and words or other things in to pierce my own heart.
I would have given ANYTHING to lay down on that table instead of Georgia...
but she had to walk through it in order to survive.
Sometimes the Lord has to walk us through some pretty deep and hard places that go deep into our hearts...
but He doesn't lead us there so that we might stay...
...but so that we can find the healing we need to walk back out again.
This picture is within minutes of her waking up...
...and there it is...
...that mega watt smile.
As if she has just walked through so much but somehow she knows life is about to get REALLY good.
"weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
So the question I keep pondering is this...
Where are the holes in my heart?
Because I want to bring them to the One who can heal them because I have a feeling life is about to get REALLY good!