I have stopped and started writing so many times this last week...that has been my experience everywhere. Part of me wants to talk about what is going on and part of me does not want to say a word because when I do the stakes on the table become so real and feel so very high.
Today I find myself here at home with Georgia and honestly struggling. Trying hard to won the battle against fear and it keeps welling up inside me. Tests are being run right now and the results of those will have our life go one way or another.
We went and saw the Nephrologist last week and she feels like Georgia's symptoms are consistent with having a "Pheo"...so we got to do a 24 hour urine collection. Georgia was amazing and thought it was so funny to pee in what she called her "magic hat". The Saturday morning Doug rushed the collection in to the lab in Portland so that they could get going on testing. The tech said we should get results by tomorrow. This test should be definitive for if she has Pheochromocytoma or not.
According to the Nephrologist, if she tests positive for having a Pheo, the ball will start moving very quickly. She will be turned over mainly to Oncology and Endocrinology and possibly be hospitalized while they do further testing to find the 'source' tumor and if things have spread and if there is cancer or not. If the test comes back showing it is not a "Pheo" then we can hit the pause button and see the Endocrinologist when we get back.
There is so much on the line. I have not written about it much but we are heading back south to go love on our favorite orphan buddies in Baja again...supposedly leaving December 7th. I feel like my heart is aching in so many different directions. I ache to have this scary thing taken off the plate for Georgia and I ache to be back in the place that feels far more like home than anywhere else on the panet. I ache for rest. The battle of keeping my eyes on the Lord and fear at bay is so exhausting...and we are beyond weary. Our plan has been to head south, stop by the orphanage for awhile then head further south to where we camp for Christmas...then head back up to the orphanage for a week where a group of 25 friends are meeting us to serve as well. I long for time just as a family away from pokes and doctors and what ifs...and I long to wrap my arms around those children that we love so much.
I look at my little girl aplying and dancing around our Christmas tree and think "impossible" there is just no way she could be that sick...no way I can let my mind go there...but then I see the dark circles and the sweating and fatigue...and I just don't know. I guess I am here writing in hopes that it will somehow ease my heart and because I know that we feel so weak and scared and really need prayers...
I feel like we have been so needy and had to lean so hard on the prayers of others for so long...thank you for praying for us once again.