On Joy (or being thankful for the pressure cooker)

We snuggled up last night,

 

and wept and prayed and talked...

 

Of heartbreak,

 

of stress,

 

of worry...

 

and ultimately of joy.

 

It is a time of feeling hard pressed on every side.

 

Medical bills pouring in that we don't know how to cover,

 

relationships that we do not know how to heal,

 

fears of the 'what ifs' and the 'we'll just watch it for now',

 

scenarios of our children's health.

 

So many burdens

 

that at times make it hard to breathe,

 

hard to look up,

 

hard to see.

 

So we weep, and we pray,

 

asking God to show us through His eyes,

 

what we cannot see through ours....

 

then,

 

we lift our heads.

 

The conversation turns.

 

Those bills?

 

Make us thankful for the very bread on our table,

 

the humble and worn clothes on our backs.

 

That brokenness?

 

Brings shining joy to the real, the deep, the true relationships,

 

where we are so, so undeservedly loved.

 

Those fears?

 

The 'what ifs'

 

oh the clarity they bring...

 

to what matters most.

 

The honor of kissing those sweet children goodnight,

 

their soft breath on my cheek,

 

the curl of their body next to mine,

 

the way their eyes shine and see the world like Jesus.

And my heart begins again to learn that peace grows 

Not from wealth or the absence of trials

But in the middle,

In the middle

When we are hard pressed on every side.

 

 

 

and once again I fall to my knees...

 

in Joy,

 

with thanksgiving...

 

...begging that God do whatever it takes,

 

strip my life bare,

 

break down and steal anything that keeps me,

 

from truly

 

seeing the gifts.

 

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

James 1:17