Behind Three Doors

"Today we are going to go and bring supplies to a village of children that no one knew about...

...no one knew because from the outside all you see is three doors....

...with some guys outside passed out on drugs....

...but when you enter one of these doors, you see ten more...

...single rooms for rent by the day...

...and you find a whole village of children virtually raising themselves amongst adults addicted to drugs."

This is how my friend Christina very casually described where we were heading,

and it is what I want to write about today...

what we saw behind those three doors.

Yes, we saw poverty.

Staggering poverty, some of the worst I have ever seen.

I could stop there...

write a whole story just about that part of what we saw,

or about the men who circled the edges of our play like darkness ready to shut out the light,

yawning black doors the backdrop to it all.

Those things would all be true and compelling....

but they are not the thing that remains uppermost in my heart or mind when I think of our New Year's Day 2013.

What remains?

Beauty.

So staggering that I wish the whole world could see.

Heart stopping, beautiful, innocent children no different than yours or mine.

They came running....

you want to know the reason why?

I can guarantee it was not because of the group of gringos piling out of the van.

It was because of this woman,

and this man,

who come every week,

who hug, and love these children.

Who bring what they can to help fill their needs...

and bring them joy....

but most of all bring the love of God....

and the power of prayer....

...they bring friendship,

relationship.

Not a flash in the pan

But unrelentless love.

Hope.

A promise that they are worthy.

Not forgotten.

That they matter.

Every week they prepare a meal...

in their tiny kitchen....

over 200 burritos, completely made by hand.

That New Year's Day it was 240 tortillas rolled by hand.

when we met to plan the outing,

they had supplies to make tortillas but had been praying that the Lord would supply something to fill them with....

...it was a huge honor to be able to buy the beans and rice and some fruit!

and honestly so humbling,

because it only cost about what it would feed our family of 5 to eat at a fast food restaurant.

With those burritos they were able to go to the dump and feed the men, women and children who live there as well as to the jail (inmates only eat it someone brings them food), the recycle yard (people also live there) and then to where we were playing with the kids.

Every week they are living on prayer to bring something to help fill the bellies of these people, some who will only have that one meal for days and days.

There are a few things God has put on my heart to do since returning and one of the them is this:

To somehow help Christina and Paulino have what takes to meet more of the needs in Camalu.

Things like food, shoes, tarps (because otherwise people would not have a roof).

The thing they need most is prayer. Every Saturday they go out there to serve...

...why?

As Christina put it, "hey we don't have a movie theater in this town so why not?"

I am going to try to figure out how to put a chip in up so that if you feel led to donate you can.

If it is helpful to know:

* a 12 lb bag of beans costs $10

* A blanket or tarp is $15

* 100 cups of milk are $10

* 50 scoops of peanut butter are also $10

 

******** The Chip In IS working....thank you to those who have donated! For some reason the totals are not showing up on the widget *******

You can also donate directly to Foundation For His Ministry just make sure to write "Basura/dump Ministry" in the box so that they know where to direct it.

***If you feel led you also are welcome to share this to help get the word out*****

I'm telling you, they are the real deal giving of what little they have to change the lives of others because they love Jesus.

....All I know is that I HAVE to do something and to start somewhere because my life was radically changed watching these two serve behind those three doors.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Sweet Parker Boy...

Oh how I love my son's heart...

 

he has a new friend that has entered his life,

 

a little guy about his age that has Autism.

 

He can speak little and sometimes play a bit too rough...

 

at first after playing together Parker told me he didn't want to play with him again....

 

which spurred on discussions,

 

about Autism...

 

about Albinism...

 

about heart defects....

 

and why our bodies to not be perfect...

 

and what Heaven will be like...

 

Tonight, out of nowhere,

 

Parker cuddled up with me and said,

 

" I wish I could speak the language of Autism so that I could tell my friend how much I like him."

 

I am blessed beyond measure.

 



Things I want to remember...

We just got back from our maiden voyage camping trip in our 1971 Timberline Camper/Trailer....

 

it was awesome!

 

Just to get away as our little family,

 

to giggle,

 

and cuddle,

 

and soak up each of the kids.

 

We had SO much fun!

 

While we were out there I finally had time to slowly start to unravel all that my heart has been feeling

 

about the women's retreat I got to be a part of (more on that later), Georgia's surgery and a tragedy that happened at the school where I work this week.

 

Lots. To. Process.

 

What kept bubbling up more and more was a conversation I had with my friend Erin late into the night on Friday night at the retreat.

 

We were talking about how it is to walk through really dark, hard stuff and how unexplainable it is on many levels,

 

how it rocks me to my very soul for a long time afterwards...

 

...and that is ok, good even to pour my heart out to the Lord rather than trying to quickly make it all ok.

 

She shared the lyrics to a new song by Andrew Peterson. I forget the exact words but in the song he is talking about how sometimes in the darkest of times, the light of Christ shines so brightly...

 

...and how in spite of all that may seem wrong that is going on,

 

sometimes we see the good...

 

...and don't we just want to thank someone?

 

That is how I felt this weekend as we played under a brilliant blue sky dappled with trees beginning to turn.

 

Certain moments stood out that I just do not want to forget.

 

So here they are:

 

******

 

Just after we tucked a still groggy Georgia into her carseat in front of the hospital she asked it we would put on VBS music to listen to.

 

When a certain song came on she said with a quiet earnestness,

 

" Oh Mama, this is the very favorite of my heart!"

 

Then she very seriously began to sing along,

 

"I have a Maker,

 

He formed my heart.

 

Before evn time began my life was in His hands."


******

2 days later.

We had a tragedy at the school where our kids attend and where I am the counselor.

I was planning on taking the whole week off with Georgia but we needed to have a space for the students to come and talk and grieve.

Georgia was doing well so the plan was that for part of the day we would go in and she would be in preschool but come and hang out in the sanctuary with me during recess.

By the time recess came I was talking deeply with a beyond sweet girl who was broken hearted.

In came Miss Georgia and snuggled right up on my lap.

Right about then a group of high school students came in with tears running down their faces.

The girl I was talking to offered to hang out with Georgia in the back while I talked with the other students.

After a few minutes,

giggles filled the Sanctuary.

I looked back to see Georgia fully animated, hands going, telling a story to that girl...

...who was now grinning ear to ear.

There was my sweet baby girl, just barely out of surgery,

ministering to that student far better than I ever could!

******

Yesterday while out camping...

we were all hanging out inside the camper being goofy and reading stories when Miss Georgia scooted up beside me.

She put her hand up to my ear and in her very loud, spitting whisper (that I love) said,

" You know what I love Mama? When I start to feel better again."

Be still my heart.

She is bruised all over but keeping up with her siblings and starting to feel better!

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.
1 Cornithians 1:27

Home Sweet Home

I am exhausted but we are home...

 

It was a far more extensive day than first planned but...

 

God is SO good.

 

I promise to write more tomorrow but will leave you with this

 

 

Miss Georgia Mei still smiling after 4.5 hours of surgery...in her wagon ready to go home!



Sometimes it is just hard...

So many times I get on here to write...

 

My heart full and needing to process (which means writing) and yet I have no idea how to start.

 

Today is one of those days.

 

There are just so many heavy things on my heart.

 

 

 

It is starting to sink in that we have to hand Georgia over yet again...

 

I am so thankful that it is for a heart cath and not for open heart surgery,

 

but it still means someone putting a device in her fragile heart.

 

She still continues to struggle.

 

Her oxygen levels keep dipping and no one is sure why.

 

We are recording when we catch them on a heart monitor because it still seems like there is a rythm issue that is not PFO related.

 

Honestly, I am just so scared.

 

This time around I have sort of pushed the idea of surgery out of my mind,

 

dwelled in the warm fuzzy place of denial for as long as possible,

 

but this morning it is hitting me.

 

I don't want to hand my little girl over again.

 

I don't want to sit in that waiting room knowing that someone is entering her heart.

 

I hate that she struggles.

 

I hate that this morning she looked gray and had dark circles under her eyes.

 

That she wakes up saying, "Mama I don't think I've slept yet."

 

That I check on her in the middle of the night and she is drenched in sweat for no reason.

 

That she will be playing just fine and then slump down and need to rest.

 

I hate the fear that creeps in,

 

the 'what-ifs' that cannot be erased.

 

Everything in me wants to wrap my arms around her and be enough...

 

to somehow transport her to the worlds of 'normal' childhood,

 

where she would not just nod in understanding when I tell her she needs another echo, another heart monitor, another 'happy heart day.'

 

A world where she can run an play without limitations,

 

where if she wanted to she could sprint after boys, play tag, dream of being a sports star...

 

...instead of seeking quiet activities because she gets so worn out.

 

A world where when I ask her how preschool was she will not have to reply,

 

" Good! My friends prayed for me and for the new hole in my heart."

 

But...

 

that is not her story right now.

 

I do not know or understand why.

 

But...

 

I trust someday I will.

 

So today,

 

I choose to pour my heart out to the Lord,

 

to beg Him to come near,

 

to hold me...as He has in this fear and grief so many times before.

 

I will lift my eyes,

 

broken and scared,

 

I will go to the only One who can carry her, comfort her, heal her...

 

and me.

 

I know He is faithful...

 

even when I do not understand.

 

 

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt

Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me

'Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
'Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
So hold me now

 

 



All in the name of Jesus!

 

This last week I had the priviledge of spending 5 days with 8 amazing freshmen at Wyldlife camp!

 

I am so encouraged by the things God is doing in the hearts of future generations...

 

 

Including how dang fun they are!

 

 



The Raft Trip - Memorial Box Monday

This story happened a little over a month ago...

we have a dear group of friends that we have known forever.

The guys went to college together,

we all dated around the same time (many double dates!),

were in each others weddings...

have rejoiced over new babies, wept over lost ones, prayed and prayed and prayed together over the years.

They are the friends who make it seem like no time has gone by and you can pick up right where you left off no matter how long it has been or what has happened in between...

I am such a blessed woman to have them in my life!

Well, a few years ago we started trying to camp together once a year.

This year we got together in Eastern, WA...a whole gaggle of us!

Four couples and nine children age 8 and under!

We cooked and talked and laughed and chased wild children and talked and talked some more...

all in this great campground nestled in by a sweet meandering river.

In the planning of the trip the guys got a wild idea to bring our raft, the one our friends filled up for us...in our living room last Christmas!

 

The river was a really mellow one...class I and II, it looked like something one would float in an inner tube.

So, the guys pumped up the raft and went down for a test float. They brought the "big" girls with them and it went so well that Ravenna was asking Doug, "Daddy when are the big rapids going to happen?"

So...we decided it was time for the Mamas and little ones to have a turn.

We had our friend Will at the helm and four Mamas with 6 little kids age 6-3.

Another Mom and I were in the front with Parker and Georgia and her son.

It was all totally calm.

So calm that we had the kids stand up and do a dance for the people we were passing on the shore,

so calm that I let Georgia dangle her feet over the side...

Totally calm and fun,

Except for one little corner...

Let me say that we have learned a lot from this trip, all kids DID have on helmets and life jackets but the one thing we did not have was a metal frame for our raft. Never again will we raft without one...but we just didn't know how important it would be.

So laughing and joking we began to round a corner of the river...

...it had a giant log jam on one side,

you know the kind that has about 12 logs all criss-crossed over and under each other at crazy angles?

 (the one we hit was bigger and more spread out)

Still, even seeing it I had no idea how fast the water was running on that particular corner.

Will told us to paddle backwards,

He yelled it loud...and louder.

Then it all happened.

We did not make the corner.

The raft hit a huge rootball straight on.

Did I mention that my friend and I were in the front?

there was a pause...

and then the boat buckled.

Water rushed over the side.

I looked to my right just as Georgia slipped out of the boat.

She was up to her neck in the water and going under...right under the root ball...fast.

I grabbed her life jacket and ripped her up and literally threw her to my friend behind me...

Just in time to see Parker up to his chin going under.

I grabbed him too and threw him as well.

Everything then happened in a blur.

All of the kids were evacuated to the closest log...miraculously they all sat still.

They were terrified and had incredibly fast rushing water flying right past them in front and behind as their feet barely dangled out of the reach of the water.

That is when I looked down and realized my foot was pinned in the raft.

I looked next to me and my friend was pinned up to her knees, both legs.

We could not move an inch and I could feel the pressure getting tighter and tighter by the second.

We had no idea what would happen, water was filling the raft and pouring over the side.

I honestly thought, "well Lord, this may be it."

There was this weird calm pause.

Then Will was back in the boat and somehow he reached down trying to pull the pinned part of the raft apart...and miraculously my foot slipped free and so did my friend's legs!

We scrambled onto the log with the kids.

I looked at my friend Pamela and said, "We need to pray." We prayed thanking God that He was there, praying that He would keep us safe and asking Him to be glorified in what was happening."

As soon as we said "amen"...literally the second we stopped praying,

the log broke.

I looked over and saw all 6 kids sink waist deep into the water.

Pamela screamed, "We have to get the kids off of here!"

We all sprang into action. The adults were sort of spread out at the front and back of the kids. So the middle section of kids had no help from adults.

They had to climb across another giant root ball...like rock climbing moves. One slip of the foot and they would fall into rushing water and be swept under the log jam.

Miraculously each and every child made it across...I still have no idea how.

Then, we came to the next log.

We had to cross two sections of waist deep (on me) rushing water to get them to a big log (as high as my shoulders), get them up on it and then somehow hoist them onto the high bank beyond and to safety.

I waded in and started hauling kids, knowing if they slipped from my hands, again they would be washed down under the logs.

Quickly we realized they could not sit on the high log alone. I somehow got on it (no idea how) and my friend Pamela climbed miraculously up onto the bank that was about to her shoulders. Somehow, as another friend ferried kids, I hoisted, pushed and Pamela pulled....we got every single child to safety.

Looking back it ONLY could have been the hand of God that held every foot and hand in place, that kept every child calm, that released my foot and Cheri's legs...only God that caused me to look right as Georgia and then Parker slipped under the water rushing to where we would not have been able to save them.

I do not know why it had to happen but I do know that it was only God that saved that day from complete tragedy.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?

  My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth. 

 

He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber; 

 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand; 

 the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm —
    he will watch over your life; 

 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

Psalm 121

In my Memorial box? A little piece of wood that looks like a log to remind me that no matter how much it feels like my world is shifting around, God will keep my footsteps firm.

To read another amazing story of what God has done...check out Linny's Blog she's the incredible woman who started Memorial Box Mondays :)

 

3 Amazing Years!!!!!

I woke up this morning to a bright eyed little girl crawling up in my bed for snuggles....

I cannot think of a better way to celebrate than lots of hugs and cuddles.

Holding her close,

celebrating 3 years of being in each others arms.

This little girlie that only a miracle saved,

she is a such a reminder to soak up everyday...

God blessed us far more than we could ever deserve when He kept her safe and moved mountains to get us to her in time!

Oh Georgia Mei..words honestly fail for what a gift you are to us...

So I'll borrow yours that you shower us with tons of times a day,

"I love you past the moon, past everything...except for God!"

The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

Parker's Thoughts....

This has been such a great week. It feels like the first time we are able to just soak up the summer!

We have played on the beach, picked raspberries, had yummy ice cream, sleepovers and stayed up way to late watching movies in the park!

At the end of each day I have this deep thankfullness for a simple summer day, for the laughter of my kids and how good life is.

That is just one of the gifts we are discovering on this side of things.

What are the others?

Well...I want to share one today that really deserves to stand on it's own.

I sat down with Parker the day after we found out about his diagnosis and explained to him the whole story...

How the doctors thought he might have had something that could make him go blind...

How thousands of people were praying for him...

About Albinism and what that will mean to him.

He looked up at me with those giagantic green eyes and said,

"You mean I could have gone blind?"

I nodded.

"Now I'm not going to?"

Again I nodded.

"And tons of people were praying for me?"

He then jumped up grinned and said,

"So I'm kind of like a walking miracle huh?"

later that day he snuggled up with me and said, "Mama, I'm so glad that all those people prayed."

Yesterday I overheard him telling his friends, "God has given me really special eyes and He has a plan for me with them."

Oh my heart.

I am so challenged that sometimes our struggles become the thing God can use the most. I so want to protect my children, to give them only joy, to shelter them from anything hard....

...and yet the Lord keeps reminding me that He is the one who has good plans for them, He is the one who created them and His plans come far before mine and are far more beautiful than I could ever imagine....

I can only begin to imagine how knowing people prayed and God came so close will affect Parker's whole life...oh me of little faith.

God is SO good.

I get the sense that through Parker's special eyes God is inviting us into something incredible....

My prayer is that our whole family will be forever changed.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Re-Emerging

  This is one of those times where I feel like there is so much on my heart, that the words are so close...but somehow they fail. Oh there is so much I want to say....
     During the last month when we thought that there was a very real possibility that Parker could lose his vision (and possibly more), I felt like we were living in an alternate reality. I would look around at families going about their days seemingly so simply, their kids so healthy and I felt like it was something that I could not grasp anymore. That reality had finally slipped through my fingers and along with it our whole reality was changing. I kept getting the image of being submerged in a pool. Did you ever do that when you were a kid? I used to love to go down under the water and look back up at the world. It felt so surreal to know what was up there but to have every sight and sound changed. That is exactly how I have felt for the last few weeks. We had been plunged into the deep end and there was no way to come back to the surface. I just could not make sense of, grapple with or fingure out how to be strong enough to walk the road that was unfolding before me.

The day before our appointment to find out Parker's diagnosis was a Sunday so we headed to church. In some ways I was really dreading it because I just could not stop the tears. At Parker's last round of testing, I was able to see his chart laying on the counter. It had a diagnosis on it that would have been progressing to blindness, deafness and battling diabetes. I was terrified.

As the music began, so did my tears and something in my heart finally broke flooding my emotions out...pouring out my fear and grief to God. I cried and cried and then cried some more stuck in a place of wanting to be strong enough and yet feeling like this was just too much, God had finally given us far too much.

Then, it came...a song that has spoken to my heart so many times. A song that made me love Fridays because the Elementary kids would have chapel and they would sing this song. I loved nothing more than to sneak into chapel and watch as my children sang about how God is stronger. If you are not familiar with it, the song is by Hillsong and some of the lyrics go like this:

There is love that came for us

Humbled to a sinner's cross

You broke my shame and sinfulness

You rose again victorious

Faithfulness none can deny

Through the storm and through the fire

There is truth that sets me free

Jesus Christ who lives in me

You are stronger, You are stronger

Sin is broken, You have saved me

It is written, Christ is risen

Jesus You are Lord of all

   As the words began to sink in to my heart, I looked over at Parker. He was in a different aisle because part way through the service he wanted to go and be front and center. There he was, looking so small, his blond hair shining...with his hands lifted in the air singing with all his might....and I heard the Lord whisper, "I have placed you on this road because you will care for Parker's passion. I will not leave you or forsake you. I will never let go."
   Slowly I began to see the road again, but this time I did not feel so alone. Yes, I still could not tell where it would lead but I knew who held my feet firm, and that those hands would never, ever let go." So, ever so slowly, I began to surrender. "Lord, I give you this journey...Lord, I give you the appointment tomorrow...Lord I give you my son." You know what happened? Once again, ever so slowly, peace began to seep into my soul. The fact that we had a scary appointment the next day did not change, where this road led was still un determined but I could look and see and stand again on the promises of the One who never lets go.
   So as we slowly re-emerge from the deep end, I feel like it is my vision that has been changed. Yes, we do have things to walk through which are different than we thought. There are things to rejoice in and some things that may bring grief. We now still have three children with significant special needs. Amazingly, the thing I feel the deepest is that sense of my feet being placed on solid ground. They are safe, I am safe come what may because I am held by One who never lets go.

I waited patiently for the Lord;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

 He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear the Lord

and put their trust in him.

Psalm 40:1-3

Blessed

I read this this morning and it fits where my heart is right now. We walked so close to the edge once again but the Lord carried us. I feel like with all three kids we have been given the chance to peek into what 'could have been' for them...and it makes each day seem like a sweet, sweet dream....

This is part of Matthew 5 from The Message:

"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
4 "You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
5 "You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought."

May you live today in the knowledge of just how blessed you really are.

Big Day...

When the appointments for Parker's eyes were scheduled it seemed like July 9th was so far away.

Well, here we are.

This afternoon we meet with the Retinal Specialist to talk about what he thinks we are dealing with in Parker's eyes.

In some ways I want to hurry up and be there and in others I am dreading sitting down to hear the news.

We could really use prayer.

Parker on the other hand just continues to amaze us.

The other day I found his journal from school tucked into his bed.

In reading through it I found this:

It says, "I will be joyful in hope as I wait for God to heal my sisters."

Yesterday, as we pulled up to church we saw a new little pagoda with some benches.

As soon as he saw it Parker shouted out, "Oh cool! A place to sit and talk about Jesus!"

He just amazes me.

I am learning to slowly surrender.

The Lord keeps whispering "I will never leave you or forsake you."

This may not be a road we have chosen,

or one we are strong enough to walk,

but God is strong enough.

He will be our strength.

Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.

Hebrews 13:5



I Stand Amazed

Thank you all SO much for praying!

Yesterday was long for sure,

but Parker was a total trooper.

He honestly amazes me.

He leapt, ran and giggled his way through the hallways like this was all the greatest adventure ever.

The test was hard for him.

It was with an adult machine so he had to sit up on his knees, holding perfectly still, keeping his eyes fixed on one point with his head in a machine for over an hour.

About halfway through he was ready to be done but he dug down deep and kept going.

At the end he gave the tech a big high five and leapt on his way!

He can hardly wait for tomorrow and his 'robot eyes'!

My favorite part of the day happened while we were waiting for our appointments.

He has been listening to Adventures In Oddessy and in one of the episodes there is a line where a man is trying to tell a not so scary ghost story and says, "there was a man without a head, no too scary, without a thumb...but nothing bad happened, he was just born that way, it was a genetic problem."

Interestingly, Parker has latched onto that line these last few days.

So yesterday he looked up at me and asked,

"Mom, what is a genetic problem?"

I told him that when we were formed in our Mama's tummy something in our genetic code made our bodies a little bit different.

He jumped up, eyes huge with excitement and said, "Like my blurry eyes?"

I nodded and said, "and the bones in my legs and feet that are turned different."

Then he asked, "What about Georgia's heart?"

"Yep."

"...and Ravenna's blood?"

"Probably."

He again stood up, pumped his arms in the air as if he had just scored a touchdown and said,

"Oh Mama...that's SO cool. What about Dad? If he has a genetic problem too we could change our name! Instead of the Miller family we could be the Genetic Problem family! That would be SOOOOO AWESOME!!!!"

Seriously.

I asked some of you to pray that God would preserve Parker's joy and innocence through this process....

and yesterday honestly seemed miraculous.

On the way home, it got me to thinking....

How often do I choose fear over joy? Why is it that I worry so much?

Parker walked through that whole appointment with complete trust, even celebrating his blurry eyes in the midst of it all, joyfully sitting still with numb feet even when he got tired.

I am humbled and amazed by my little son and find myself praying this morning that I can be more and more like him.

Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of  heaven

Matthew 18:4

Fixing Our Eyes

Today is a big day for our little guy...

one that in many ways I have been dreading but know we need to walk through.

The first of three big days of testing for Parker.

3 hours of visual field testing and a meeting with the Genetic Counselor.

am I scared of what the results may be?

Yes.

At the same time....

God is coming so near us,

carrying us,

teaching us.

Once again we are looking and searching...

it is SO easy in this world to focus on what is around us....

what we can see, touch, feel.

The immediate.

Honestly, if you asked me which sense I would be most afraid of losing,

hands down I would say my sight.

But what the Lord has been speaking to my heart is about VISION.

You know what Scripture says over and over again?

Put our faith in what is UNSEEN.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:18

To fix our eyes on JESUS

fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:12

That the vision that we have now is NOTHING compared to what we all WILL see

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known

1 Corinthians 13:12

So are we praying for Parker's healing?

 With all of our hearts.

At the same time we are learning to listen and submit and understand the promises of God more deeply than ever before.

I am beyond thankful for my little BRAVE boy who loves that Lord,

sings praise songs with all of his might even on the playground....

who prays with a heart and depth that astounds me,

who begs God to let him run an orphanange someday.

His eyes are already fixed on what is important....

and for that I am so very thankful.

Thanks for praying for us today...