The monitor came today! Thank you all for praying for us over the weekend. It was a very long one with lots of fun but also a strong undercurrent of so much worry. Praise God Georgia did not have an episode over the weekend.
So now, we carry a black plastic box with us everywhere...Georgia proudly tells everyone, "My Sheen!!!! My Sheen!!!" and I cannot help but smile. We have been asked at two check out lines already what the box is that is still in our cart. How do you explain that one simply?
We did our test run as soon as the package came and Georgia loved it, when it was done she shouted "Again! Beep, beep, beep again!"
PLans are slowly falling in to place and I am so thankful that God has put people in our life who know what needs to happen. A good friend of ours is a fire fighter (Hi Andrew!) and he suggested going down and talking with the EMT crew in our town. So after our test run on the monitor we went on a 'field trip' or at least that is what I kept trying to tell myself it was. We talked with the Director while sitting in the back of an ambulance to help Georgia not be afraid if she needs to be in one. It was a beyond surreal experience. She joyfully climbed all over it and inspected every part without fear while images of her strapped down and struggling battled to overtake my mind. The Director talked about how they would shock her heart, how Life Flight would work and which hospital to fly her to as Georgia tried out every seat in the place strapping and un-strapping the seatebelts all the while shouting "I click Mama, Ohhhhh...I stuck!" So I would un-click her and then go back to talking about measures to keep her alive if an episode got bad. We now have a 'normal' Georgia EKG tucked in with the monitor so that any EMT could compare it with whatever was happening at the time.
Then, we repeated it all again in Hood River (the town where we spend a lot of time and where every episode has happened so far)! I am beyond thankful that Georgia saw it all as fun. I think it was only the grace of God and so many people praying that I could sit there calmly discussing it all.
She DID have some sort of episode this afternoon. It was a little bit different than the others but I recorded and sent it. I think I scared the cashier at the store half to death when I told her I needed to use the phone to transmit an EKG from my daughter's heart episode! She ran off to try and close the store and I had to run after her to explain I just needed the phone! I guess I need to work on my delivery!
God's little gift in the midst of it...the woman was a Christian! As I was on hold with the monitoring company and so nervous about everything, she looked me straight in the eyes cupped her hands as if they were holding water and said, " Just remember that you and your daughter are in your Maker's hands right now." and then we both had a good cry!
So, some other thoughts have been brewing through this intense day. One came from my dear friend as we planned the Bible lesson for the preschool. In talking about Adam and Eve and about Jonah she mentioned that one of the big things she sees is how God pursues us. We may run away, we may try to hide from the things that feels to big and scary or hard or shameful but God never leaves us there....He always makes a way for us and seeks us out. He always, always wants to help, carry and heal us when we are in those darkest of all places. I feel that now, I feel myself being carried and held. I know that on my own strength I could not have walked through the doors of those fire stations with my precious girl in my arms, opened my mouth to speak or keep my composure...it was all God's grace, it is the only answer.
The other thing that just hits on a gritty and real level is how much our kids are not our own. They are God's first. It is easy to say that glibly when all is right with the world but I have been really rebelling against that this week. I know that they hace to be His first but I have not been liking it at all, not liking that I cannot have my way and my plan. Doug and I spent a long time on our knees weeping and praying last night and finally getting to a place of really saying that Georgia is His and that He knows best.
Do I know the best plans for my kids? Do I know their hearts, their very thoughts before they speak them? Did I knit them together in my womb or their birthmom's?
No...not even close. But I love them, love them in a crazy way that hurts all the way to my marrow sometimes. And God loves my heart just as much as He loves theirs.
A friend of mine sent me this verse yesterday:
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
What is true & noble?
That God loves me and my children so much that He laid His very life down so that we could know Him.
"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
What is right, pure and lovely?
That He longs for me to come to Him so He can carry me and give me rest.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
What is excellent and praiseworthy?
He has never failed me. Not once. I have walked so many harrowing roads where it looked like there was no way out and God has never once left me.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
And somehow today between the tears, stress and worry...there was also deep peace and joy at times to, not because the facts of our situation went away but because I was able to pour my heart out to the One who knows it best.
Please continue to pray for:
* God's protection over Georgia's heart...that it would keep beating correctly and not stop during an episode
* That we would be able to have the wisdom to record and catch what is going on quickly and that doctors would know how to treat it
* For peace for us, that God would be so close that we could not take our eyes off of Him....especially as Doug heads out of town tomorrow morning for 2 weeks.
* For Doug as he has to be gone and will be working crazy long hours in a government building with no phone, internet or cell range. That he will have peace and that we will be able to get ahold of him if there is an emergency.
* For Ravenna and Parker. I have started to talk to them but they have not seen the monitor yet or really talked. That I will have good answers to their questions, that they would not be bond up in fear.
* For me as I am home solo with the kids and all of the heart stuff. For sleep! I don't sleep well when Doug is gone, for wisdom and above all for grace with the kids and myself during all of this.
Thank you so much for all of your prayers, emails and comments they mean so much right now.