I have decided that the word of the day today is Vigilant.
I felt like all day every fiber of my being was constantly aware of Georgia and where she was, how she was breathing, if she was sweaty at all. Each time she would goof off and pretend she was a doggy panting with her tongue out put about a thousand more gray hairs on my head!
She seemed to do well today but now I just worry. The circles under her eyes seemed darker...but was it just me? Did her lips have some blue in them? Was that funky breath one I should record?
She had one episode today but it was like yesterday...not exactly like the ones before. It happened on the middle of the little toll bridge that connects our town to the Oregon side of the Columbia river. She was breathing funny and had a very concerned look on her face. I asked her if her heart felt funny, she looked up with her big brown eyes and said, "Yes." I asked, should we do the monitor? and again as serious as could be she said, "Yes." But we were in the middle of a tiny bridge with no where to pull over and a line of cars at the toll booth. So by the time we did our ticket and found the closest place to pull over, got her unbuckled and the monitor on...she started smiling and saying in her giangantic voive, "My Sheen!!!!! My Sheen!!!!" So I'm pretty sure we missed that one.
In the car, I heard her playing with her Pooh Bear and Tigger. The conversation went like this, "Wahhhh Mama!", "Baby, you ok? You need monitor?" As I looked in the mirror I saw the Pooh bear hug the Tigger and say, "Love you baby..."
We are surrounded by family and friends who are calling and emailing and showing up and it is a lifeline for us. Just when I feel like I may crumble someone sends something, and I am a puddle of tears as I am reminded that we are not alone.
I did get one question, someone asking if we are praying for healing and why we are making plans like where Life Flight should go and who would watch our kids. I just want to put it out there that yes...with every fiber of our beings we are begging God to heal Georgia. We also know that as parents we have to do everything we can to prepare for the fact that He may heal her through what this monitor finds and through modern medicine. He knows her heart and her days and YES pray for her healing...please. At the same time....because of her heart, we need to know something definitive...maybe that is for my heart, I don't know. We have to get to the bottom of what is causing these spells because life cannot go on knowing that 'sudden death' might be an outcome...I owe it to my little girl to push until that is taken off the table.
At the same time, I swear that Georgia is more full of life than ever. I feel like I am trying to just soak her in with all that I am. It would never be enough....I don't think I could even breathe without her.
Throughout this whole day, saying goodbye to Doug, watching Georgia like crazy. Walking miles of aisles of Target, Walmart, Goodwill etc so that I could watch Georgia best. I could feel God's presence, hear His voice reminding me that He is here. When I went to call in Georgia's episode, I again freaked out this poor guy working at a gas station (I've got to figure out how to explain it better), I swear he turned green and walked outside to smoke as soon as I had the phone! But another gentleman was there getting coffe. He left and then walked back in. He stood beside me and said, "I am a paramedic and I am going to stay until we know your girl is ok."
God is there...right in the crux of it reminding me that I am not alone.
Reminding me that He is Vigilant and knows my heart and my fears and carries me in this storm where I feel like I cannot take even one step...
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
(Right here she is praying for me and my 'owie tummy')
Thank you so much for praying...please, please, please continue.
I came across this song today...another gift from God, the words bring me to pray when I cannot find my own.
To read the details of what is going on with Georgia's heart please go here