Hands and house

Hands and house

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Random Thoughts and Something to Read That You Don't Want to Miss.....

Hello! It has been awhile...life has been good and full. I feel like it is a time when a am weighing and processing so many things surrounding the 'unknown' in which we keep finding ourselves. It feels like one big long, deep, painful and really important lesson in the school of learning to surrender and truly trust that God is good no matter what. We don't have a lot more answers on either of our girls yet. Georgia's EEG (brain monitoring) came back normal which we figured it would (and that is beyond AWESOME). When we were in the hospital we also had Georgia's heart monitored...we have not heard anything back from that yet. I am assuming no news is good news but also do not feel like they probably got the information that would have been helpful. You see, we have an AMAZING Neurologist who right away said, "This all sounds Cardiac, so let's simulate what has caused the spells in the past." She then ordered the nurse to have a trampoline sent up to Georgia's room the next day to get her active so that we could get some cardiac reads on what is happening when she gets really active. That night I felt like we were on the path to answers and excited because the outpatient stress test lab only tests children as young as 6, so these were answers we could only get while already in the hospital and hooked up! Our Neurologist got this and gave the go ahead to pursue a scenario that would be similar to those when Georgia stops and clutches her chest. Well...the next day our Neurologist headed out on vacation. Her partner zipped into our room first thing in the morning and said, "That whole plan you guys made...not gonna happen. There is no reason to do any of that and it will possibly mess up the EEG readings if she jumps so instead we feel like we got enough EEG reads and are sending you home."
    I tried to talk with her, have the nurse explain what our Neurologist had said but she would not budge and off we went. So... I am learning what it looks like to feel thankful and frustrated all at the same time. It feels like we could have been so close to some answers and yet once again we stand in the unknown. I find that little things trigger big emotions.
    This week Ravenna had a bowling field trip...which was a blast. She was having a great time until she dropped a bowling ball on her hand. Her ring finger began to swell up and she got really worried and she is not a kid who gets real worried about bumps and bruises. Panic welled up in me. What if she is not clotting and she is bleeding into her joint? I had read about joint bleeds and how quickly they can cause life-long damage to the tissue. So I calmly made an appointment (which was in a few hours)...and proceeded to feel so worried over a little not life threatening smooshed finger for hours. I prayed, read Scripture, talked to a friend who 'gets' having children with medical conditions...and still struggled with fear in the back of my throat. It was about so much more than just that darned smooshed finger, it was about all of the unknowns and just how long are we going to have to carry them and how in the world can I be strong enough to do that when I just want to scream, "I WANT ANSWERS!" ...and the most important answer is there, they are an absolute gift from God. Right now, answers or no answers. No one numbers their days but Him. No one knows their hearts, their blood, their every tiny detail like the One who created them. No one knows my heart, my fears, my worries, my "I hate this" as well as the One who made me and wants to help carry the burden every day.

    ...and just as I was beginning to really talk to God about this, my phone rang. It was the Hematology office, with the call we have been waiting on for months. They finally have a spot for Ravenna, about a month earlier than predicted. So July 21st we finally get to meet with the specialist and be on the path to some answers. There are no answers yet for either girl but I just keep hearing, "they are a gift" echoing through my heart and head. At first I had big plans to schedule out our summer with classes and scheduled stuff, now I just want to sit and love these amazing little gifts I get to call my children. Because no matter how many smooshed fingers and blue lips and wheezy breathes we might have, they are worth it all.

Children are a heritage from the LORD,

offspring a reward from him.
Psalm 127:3
but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:31
      Now...the something to read that you don't want to miss...seriously, this is written by dear friends of ours who are in Ethiopia right now meeting their son. They had a detour because their son had to go back to a more rural part of Ethiopia to be counted in a census. They got to spend three days in Harrar Ethiopia visiting and playing with orphans. This blog post Here is beyond incredible and well worth taking the time to read as they sort out in their hearts what life looks life after being face to face with orphans. I cannot get it out of my mind. They go to court tomorrow so please pray for them that all of their documents are in order and this precious boy can officially be their son! They are also doing an online auction right now that is awesome, you can check it out Here
    If you're still with me here...a friend sent me this song and it is now my favorite to go to!!!!!

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