You know those times in your life when something comes across your path and subtly alters everything? I read this a few days ago and cannot get it off my mind. I am in awe of this place, the hearts of those caring for babies there. When Georgia was literally dying in the orphanage someone sent us the link to Morning Star and they emailed back and forth with us trying to help in any way they could. This story feels so very familiar, you see we too were getting messages (through those who visited the orphanage) asking when, begging when were we going to come and get our baby girl, saying she was so sick and needed care. The orphanage loved her and knew that her time was short.
Now, as Lynsay writes all I can see is my little girl's face....we have one life friends, how do we want to live it?
From Lynsay at Stinky Tofu and Other Things they live in China and care for the frailest little precious ones because they are too valuable to be forgotten.
Did we tarry?
This blog has been silent for awhile, I know that.
After receiving an email a week or so ago about a post that I had done that encouraged someone I have been praying for God to give me something to post.
Sure, I could be posting pictures and stuff, but, why start now, I have never been good at that before and it really isn't the direction my blog has gone, so I have been praying, and just not worrying about it.
But this morning I finally have something, though it isn't the post I wanted to write.
Bill and I have had to seriously talk about the future of MS. There are huge obstacles in our way, one of the most serious obstacles right now is finances.
You, or most of you, know us. You know that we have chosen to live on what God provides and believe in faith that when He said to seek FIRST His kingdom, that He WOULD provide the rest.
Not provide a little, or provide some, but provide it all.
It is one reason why we have said over and over we would trust God and not trust men, that we would remain silent unless God told us to say something, in regards to specific finances.
And God has never let us down. Not once.
But I will not say that it has always been easy.
We are not overflowing with money. We have very little committed money that comes on a regular basis. Our costs are huge, right now, with one home, and 10 babies, our costs are huge.
We have watched costs almost double in the last year, and there is nothing we can do. We cut corners where we can, but we will not cut corners on the care of the kids.
So we have had to talk very seriously about what we are going to do, what Morning Star is going to do, what the future holds.
And every time we talk seriously the only solution we can come up with is not to close, or change what we are doing somehow, but to get bigger. The need is huge.
We need a second home so that we can take more babies and so that we can keep the very sick babies separate from the healthy ones.
We need people willing to go to Uganda and serve for a longer period of time.
We need finances to start both a home their and build a well.
The more we talk and pray, the more we are convinced that this is the right thing, no matter what our bank account looks like.
But this is where it gets hard. We have talked, prayed, talked some more.
For the last 2 weeks an orphanage director has been calling us every day asking when we could take a little girl whose heart is very similar to Luke's.
He has been telling us that she will die there, that we must take her.
Every day, "please, take this baby."
And we were, but there were so many things.
Because we don't have second house we don't have a place to put her, so we told them to wait.
But they kept calling. Every day.
Finally we arranged a way to bring her up, one of the kids was going to leave so that we could bring baby Zhou to the house.
She would be here this week.
When I asked yesterday what was going on, why she wasn't there yet, I was told that they couldn't find train tickets, they were all sold out.
I thought that was a little strange considering nothing is going on this time of year and even thought perhaps it was for the best, perhaps it would give us a chance to put everything together and get the other kids all sorted out before she arrived, perhaps even make some headway on a second home.
And then this morning I received and email that said she died last night.
Precious little 2 month old girl, with a broken heart, died.
And I just can't help but know that though it was not in my control, that God allowed these events to happen and even chose to take her home, she died because we kept saying she had to wait.
But what is so difficult to deal with is that the circumstances that made us have to say wait, wait wait, could have been different.
If only we had a second place, if only we had the money to pay double the salaries we pay right now, if only, if only, if only.
I know the truth, I know that God brought her home, but all I can think about is that I did nothing, I could have done something.
I have to say, having been home for the last few weeks and attending church on Sunday, I have looked around the churches at the masses and wondered, how many of us are doing anything?
Not so many I think.
A precious girl died today, and she was so precious, because I could do nothing.
But I could do nothing because the church, not everyone but on a large scale, is more concerned about getting their 1 pump, skinny, extra foam, vanilla latte this morning, and even on Sunday mornings, than the fact that children are dying all around this world with not one single person holding them, loving them, praying for them, caring if they live or die.
Maybe I'm cruel for saying it, or maybe we have all become so apathetic about these things, and maybe even about the state of our church and society. If we don't care, perhaps it makes it easier to deal with the fact that we have dead churches, and a society who would rather serve and advocate for our individual self interests and self identity than care about each other.
My commitment to trust God has not changed, but the knowledge that WE, you and me, could have done more, could be doing more, is not far from my heart and mind.
I will stand before my God one day and answer for the things I have done, and the things I have not done.
When He was hungry, did I give Him food? When He was cold, did I give Him clothes? When He was thirsty, did we give Him something to drink? When He was sick, did we care for Him?
I will stand before God, and so will you. And we will answer these questions.
Maybe I will have to answer for why we couldn't take baby Zhou, why we kept saying to wait instead of come, and maybe so will the church.
I don't know, all I know is today a baby died because I couldn't help. In fact, the reality is that something like every minute, I don't know the statistics, a child will die because no one is helping them.
And we will have to answer for why we didn't, and why we chose to make our cars, and boats, and video games and vanilla lattes more important than caring for Jesus.
I'm not here to say that we can't have those things, but if we are choosing them, over the things of Christ, then we can't have those things.
I have had my fair share of lattes and other good things in the past few weeks, and it wasn't wrong of me to have them, but I would give them up for the rest of my life if it meant I could change the life of even one child.
Don't let the Sunday morning routine of going to church define who you are in Christ. Let the Bible define who you are in Christ. He told us to do so much more than to just think about Him 1 morning a week, He told us we are His body, that means we are His Hands, His Feet, and sometimes a lot of other things on the body, but it means we must do something, we must show His love to this world that is broken, show His love to children who are dying.
So I find myself on my knees begging that God would let me do something, anything to come alongside and make more room possible for this family to be able to care for more of these kids....because every child deserves the chance to thrive like our baby girl giggling in the hallway right now.
Thoughts? Ideas? Wanna join me?
You can read more about Morning Star and the amazing things that they do Here